Hanime on Autism: Relationships

Greetings all!  Welcome to my third installment of “Hanime on Autism.”  This week, I’m going to talk about something that may not seem related to autism: establishing relationships with other people.  It does involve the most recognizable symptom of autism, but I’m going to be talking about it in a way that you probably wouldn’t expect.  So this post will be more or less my opinion and advice.

Anyway, most experts and those who have dealt with autism firsthand will tell you that one of the most noticeable traits in people with autism is the huge social deficit; people with autism naturally have poor social skills.  They do horrible at starting conversations, many can barely make eye contact when they can join one, and often times they can’t interpret  jokes, sarcasm, and body language- often times, they will take jokes and sarcasm literally.  And truth be told, I won’t argue with any of this.  I deal with this all the time.  But it does lead to one question.

In light of all of this, is it possible for someone with autism to establish a close and meaningful relationship?  ABSOLUTELY!!!  Experts will say that people with autism have a hard time socially, but they never said it was impossible to be social.  Granted, there is a lot that has to be done on both ends- one end being the autistic person, and the other, the non-autistic person- in order for that to happen.  But I think if nothing else, there has to be an effort made on either end, which brings me to my next topic.

Last week, I talked about how people with autism have some kind of obsession.  This obsession is often times the topic of conversation for the autistic person.  And for those who are lower functioning, it may be the only way that they communicate.  I heard a story from my roommate about a boy who had an obsession with Disney movies and used quotes from the film to communicate.  In one conversation with his dad, he quoted from The Lion King, “Remember who you are.  You are my son and the one true king.”  Though he’s not telling his dad to remember anything, he is telling him that he is his son.  Granted, it’s not necessary to pick up an autistic person’s obsession right away, but it’s still something to look for.  If you happen to spot it, let them keep talking about it.  It’s certainly a form of acceptance and definitely a sign of friendship for someone with autism.  And if you do establish that friendship, be prepared to hear your friend go on, and on, and on, and on about their obsession.  But eventually, when they get to know you, they will open up.  Again, an effort has to be made on either end.

Now that’s for people who aren’t autistic.  For those who are, here’s some advice from a fellow Aspie.  First and for most, just be yourself!  Embrace your obsession!  Somewhere out there is a club that’s all about your obsession.  Sure enough, you will find friends who share your passion.  It worked for me.  I joined my college’s anime club and made some friends and even found my boyfriend!  But it’s important that you have to embrace who you are to make that happen.

Now, I do have some word of advice for the more romantic relationships.  If you have autism and are in a romantic relationship, there is a little more work that has to be done to maintain that.  Among the biggest things that is a must in any relationship is communication.  You have to talk to your partner.  It doesn’t have to be anything serious.  Talk about your day. If you’re eating out, talk about the food you’re eating.  Anything you think of.  However, at some point, you do need to make it clear to your significant other what you want out of the relationship.  Make sure you establish limits on what you both can and can’t do and stick to it.  If you’re partner can’t do that, then you leave.  But don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t work.  A breakup is actually a great learning experience because you learn what mistakes you made in your previous relationship and can fix them in the next.  Take it from me, I’m with my third boyfriend now, and he’s the best one yet! ;)

So all in all, making friends, and boyfriends for that matter, are hard things to come by when you have autism or an ASD.  But when you put forth some effort, it’s possible.  Well, that’s all for this “Hanime on Autism” post.  Be sure to stay tuned for Sunday for another anime review.

-Hanime on Anime